Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Under Water

For the past month, leading up to Ana's due date I have not been myself. I feel pressure. I feel like things around me are closing in on me. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation in almost everything I do. I have been searching for myself and I'm waiting to find her.

Under water, the sounds I hear are muffled. All I can hear is my conscious, my heart beat. My conscious telling me to hold on, to fight, to keep swimming and trying to get to the top for a breath of air. There are giggles and grunts in the faint distance but nothing that can help me. It seems like no one can hear me. Under the water, my voice is mute. I can't breathe, I can't scream. My tears, you cannot notice as they are one and the same as the water I am suffocating in. I start to panic. My heart starts to pound, harder, stronger. What do I do? How can I break out of the water that I'm drowning in? Why can't my family and friends hear me? See my struggle? A numbness starts to take over my body. It starts in my chest and slowly takes over my arms, my legs, my head. Things are starting to go by slower. Seconds seem like minutes, even hours as I struggle to make it to the top for a breath of air. A precious breath of air. But my arms and my legs can't move, I'm sinking deeper and deeper into the water.

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