Friday, April 18, 2014

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness Day 18

DAY 18

A very supporting friend of mine owns Dickey's Barbecue Pit Appleton, WI and she ever so kindly donated a four pack of Timber Rattler tickets for tonight's game at 6:35pm!! I have these tickets in my hands and I will be heading there this afternoon to give them to some lucky baseball fans! Pictures to come tonight!!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 17

DAY 17

Today I wanted to do something for someone that was close to me. Someone who maybe doesn't get the kindness or the thank you that they deserve day to day. So I decided that I wanted to do something for my mother. I bought her this beautiful flower... just because. Mom, if you're reading this... thank you for everything you do for me and our family. I love you!

P.S. Stay tuned for tomorrow's Random Act of Kindness sponsored by Dickey's Barbecue Pit - Appleton, WI!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 16

DAY 16

I remember my mom reading I'll Love You Forever to my sister and I when we were younger. The story goes on to explain the stages of life from a newborn to a 2 year old to a 9 year old and so on... and it explains the love of a mother for her child. I never imagined what inspired this book until I lost Ana.

The story was written by Robert Munsch after he and his wife had two babies born dead. From his website:

"Love You Forever started as a song.

“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
as long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”

I made that up after my wife and I had two babies born dead. The song was my song to my dead babies. For a long time I had it in my head and I couldn't even sing it because every time I tried to sing it I cried. It was very strange having a song in my head that I couldn't sing."

I bought a total of 4 of these books. One for myself, one for the basket I already donated. Now I have two left. I would like to give these books to two individuals who read my blog. If you are reading this please leave a comment and tomorrow April 17th, 2014  at 9:30pm CST I will draw a winner through

**UPDATED 4/17/14 9:45pm**

There were 7 comments on my blog, one was a deleted duplicate. So I numbered the comments 1-6. Using, here are the winners from Day 16:

Ashley G. - Who ever so kindly passed because she already has a copy.

Kim D.

Denise C.

.......... and I actually had one more so the last one goes to......

Leah H.

If your name is above... to claim your copy of Love You Forever please message me on Facebook HERE.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 15

DAY 15

There were two big factors that played part in my random acts of kindness project. One big factor of inspiration was from a fellow angel mom named Alyvia and her Kisses for Claudie campaign. During this time she started her project in the month of November. The second being a post on Facebook about paying it forward to the first five people that commented on your status. I've been patiently waiting for the right time to send these gifts to people. At first I struggled because I didn't know what to send them... or how I was going to send them. But I did it today. I'm not going to reveal what this item is because I know some of these people follow my blog. However, in the next week or two you should expect something in the mail. I hope each of you enjoy this special gift I chose for you Hugs and love :)

Monday, April 14, 2014

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 14

DAY 14

I was asking around for ideas of other things I can do for Random Acts of Kindness. I one of my friends is a volunteer at the Neenah Children's Hospital and said that they could use sleepers and not just for premies. I went out and bought two pairs - one girls and one neutral. I am dropping them off at the children's hospital this evening.

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 13

DAY 13

Today I wanted to recognize a special friend who is always there for me. He's always there when I need a helping hand and I don't get the chance to say thank you enough. So I decided that while this wasn't random, it was an act of kindness for someone who has a very big heart. I took my friend out to dinner at the local Olive Garden restaurant, my treat :) No pictures today since my friend is camera shy. Sorry guys!

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 12

DAY 12

So it's Saturday and I really don't have anything planned for the day. I don't have any place I need to go, and I was thinking about just finding something easy to put a smile on someones face. I decided that I would buy a lottery ticket or two and give them away at the local tobacco store. The only reason I picked the tobacco store is they only allow those 18+ to enter the store, and I know you technically have to be 18 to play the lotto. I decided upon two crossword lottery tickets and gave them to the first two people that looked like they could use a pick-me-up. I hope it helped make their day as much as it made mine :)

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 11

DAY 11

Yesterday was day 11 of Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness. I decided to stop into the local bakery on my way to work. Intending to pick up a sweet treat for breakfast, I walked in and saw that their sale of the day was a 6 pack of cupcakes. I decided that this would be a nice gift for the ladies that work at the store next to my work. So I took these cupcakes to Branching Out yesterday!

Ana's Angels Random Act of Kindness DAY 10

I'm behind on posting a few days so I'm posting what I've been doing the past few days!

Day 10

Today I didn't have a lot of time to go out and do something in my local community. Therefore I decided to do a random act of kindness over the computer... by buying an item from someone's Amazon wishlist! I have no clue who these women are. I went to the Amazon Baby Registry and typed in my last name and my child's last name to pull up registries with similar last names. I chose three of them and decided to send some gifts to them in memory of Ana. So here's the receipt!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 9


Day 9 - The unsuccessful. My situation: pay day is Friday and the past few weeks I've been paying it forward every chance I get. So I had to decide what to do for a random act of kindness with little money to spend and only about an hour of free time.

I decided to go to my local grocery store and offer to help people load groceries into their vehicles. You would not believe the weird looks and the quick "No I'm ok" that I got. I tried to briefly explain that I was doing a random acts of kindness project and very few people listened.

Living in this area my whole life, this is not the type of response I had expected. Most of us are quick to say good morning or hello, but are not able to accept help from a stranger just trying to make someones day a little easier. I was only able to help two people and they only had a few bags... I think they did it because they felt sorry for me.

So I ask you: If you had a cart full of groceries and were asked if you'd like help loading your groceries, what would you say? What is your reasoning behind it? I'd love to get some feedback on this one.

Pic from Bimmer Forums

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Day #31 - Sunset

While the sunshine can fade to darkness... my love will never fade. 
I love you Ana. 
Forever and always… my baby you’ll be.

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 8


I'm sorry for the late post but yesterday was personally a rough day. Just felt very overwhelmed and needed to do something good. I spent some time with Ana's father and felt a little better afterwards. I wasn't planning on the random act of kindness I did yesterday, but it came at the most opportune moment that I had to jump on it. My work had a sprinkler system line burst and flood our office from top to bottom. We were able to save most of the things that were not touching the ground.

For insurance and business purposes my company decided to buy laptops instead of computers for the office. After going through and getting the computers tested, they were in good working condition. The hard drives had confidential business information on it so they will be taken apart. However, they had 4 nice computer monitors, keyboards, mice and speakers which they were looking to donate somewhere. I mentioned that I work at the local domestic violence (DV) center and they could always use donations like this. My boss said we could donate the computer equipment to them and I thought that this would include my random acts of kindness. It didn't pay to throw them away when they work!

So yesterday I delivered these computer monitors to the DV shelter in our county.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Day #30 - Growth

This one is hard for me because in some ways I feel like I regressed. I want to believe that my daughter had a higher purpose but it hurts me so bad not knowing why she had to leave. Why MY daughter? I see the world now as a fragile place; pieces of glass being held together by paper Mache (money). I see others as naive… but also just as broken as I am.

This one is hard because I feel like I'm moving on without her. I know she doesn't want me stuck in 2012, dwelling on her loss. I know she wants me to be happy. I know she wants me to give back. In reality, I've grown a lot. In stead of moving on I'm living her memory. I want to keep her memory alive in the things that I do. This will also bring awareness to PAIL.

Before my loss, losing a child was unthinkable... I think to every parent who hasn't lost a child it is. You get past the first trimester and you think everything's going to be just fine. That's why I want to educate. I want to grow in my knowledge of pregnancy and become a doula. Then, maybe when I'm strong enough and have enough stillbirth/PAIL knowledge that I can start my own support group in the Fox Valley area.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 7


Her due date... one year ago today - April 7th, 2014 was her due date. It would have been a Sunday. She should be a year old. I should have been planning a birthday party. I should have been teaching her how to walk. I would be gawking over her every little move.

Instead... I visit her grave. I decorate it on special days. I bring her flowers. I miss her more and more every day. It's been a long road. It's been a lot of downs and very few ups. But I've made it this far.

I haven't been up to the labor and delivery floor at the hospital since before I lost Ana. Since I wasn't past 24 weeks, they wouldn't even send me up there. I've had several friends have babies since I lost Ana. I haven't been able to visit any of them yet, let alone in the hospital. I've been dreading the day that I would HAVE to go back there.

Today was that day...

I took a big step for my healing. I decided to make a basket and deliver it to someone in L&D who had a baby girl today. I also took up three tulip plants... one for the mother of the girl born today and two for other moms who have had babies today or in the past/next day or so.

Walking through the halls leading up to the elevator my heart started pumping and my  palms started to sweat. I was unsure of how I would react if I saw a newborn today. I felt my eyes swelling as I pressed the button for the 3rd floor. As I exited the elevator I was greeted with a friendly smile. I explained to her why I was dropping these plants and basket off and what I would like done with them. She was a very nice lady and I am glad to have went up there even if it was just to talk to her.

I walked away as a couple and their daughter walked out. The little girl had dark skin and dark hair and made me think of what Ana would be today. What she would look like. What she would like. As I stepped back into the elevator I felt an overwhelming sense of relief rush over me. I did it. I made it through delivering the gifts without a break down. I'm healing. One step at a time.

I hope these mama's enjoyed their flowers and basket. Here's a peek of what I dropped off today:

Special thank you to Michelle G for sewing a blanket for the basket last minute. You're awesome!

**UPDATED 4/7/14 9:11pm**

Special thank you to Rickee S. - 250$ worth of groceries for a new mommy who had absolutely no food in her house when she brought her newborn home from the hospital Friday night. we went out and stocked her up all in your sweet name Ana <3

Who You'd Be Today

Tonight I will write about who you'd be today. For now, here's the song.

Who You'd Be Today - Kenny Chesney

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?

Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.

[Instrumental Break]

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.

Some day, some day, some day.