Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Saying goodbye again (to my room mate)

I guess I've always been "too" caring. "Too" nice, "too" loyal. I met my room mate (ex) back in late May or so of 2011. We talked, got to know each other and had a good time together. I remember our first real date. I took him to Rock USA for the first time. We had a good time, listening to the bands that I've never seen live before, having fun just messing around and enjoying the music.

At first I told him exactly what I wanted from life and a relationship. I told him I wanted kids and marriage and the white picket fence. I told him this with expectations that if we started getting serious that at least he knew what I wanted. Come to find out, he didn't want any of it from me until it was too late.

I remember when his world started spinning apart. In September of 2011 his sister's probation officer came to look for her at his house which she told the PO she was living at. She let the PO into the house and she immediately found paraphernalia that his sister said was Eric's. Eric, myself, and Eric's son, Landon, were on our way to College Avenue for their annual car show the Friday before Octoberfest. We stopped to get some food when we got the call that his house was being raided by the MEG unit and police. His sister blamed everything on Eric and, while she was arrested, he was charged with a Felony case of possession of marijuana.

I knew he was in trouble but I wanted to be by his side and we decided that we were going to move in together. Eric was working day to day jobs and really didn't have a steady source of income. He didn't get a steady source of income until my sister got him a job at Plexus through a temp agency in March. Anyway, I was stupid enough to take out a loan for the moving expenses, to pay his past due bills, and then for anything new we would need around the new place. He promised me as soon as he had a steady job that he would help me pay off the loan.

Then, I had found conversations he had with many other women and a whole Facebook profile devoted to nasty, perverted, fucked up things to other women. I still stood by his side because he told me he would change. He told me he would stop talking and texting these younger girls and women who could potentially get him in trouble too! 

Because of the situation with his sister and the PO, CPS also got involved and tried to force Eric into certain situations like just saying or admitting that it was his because it was in his house. I stood by his side through this all. I knew that he had to get a lawyer and he was refusing. His case was coming up and I knew that if he went in there he would be charged with something that could not only tarnish his name forever, but could also result in him losing any time with his child. I got him a lawyer but he borrowed the money from his mom.

He was also being sued for over $1,000 by his previous landlord for random miscellaneous things after they were the ones to kick him out (but not evict him). When we got the list I knew that also needed to be fought as they were trying to add expenses for no reason. I believe the amount they originally wanted was like $1300 and after our mediation it was settled at $270.00. I saved him over $1,000 that he would have been charged if he hadn't gone to court to fight for himself.

Even through all of this, he continued to talk to other women until January after the last time I just gave up. We weren't getting along, constantly fighting and bickering at each other over lack of trust. We separated, he moved into the other bedroom, and we said we would try working it out as friends. Now is when he started focusing on what we should have been. He started putting more effort into the house he started treating me better, stopped talking to his shitty friends. I don't know if this is because we moved and we weren't around the same young crowd  or if it's because he really wanted to change for me.

I stood by his side when all of his friends left him, went to jail, made babies with several women or whatever else the case. We all know that people grow apart from time to time and that those real friends still remain. Eric's dad had cancer and his family and friends held a benefit for him to help with medical costs and bills from his illness. Although we had just split up I went with him to the benefit to support him and his family through this rough time. His dad progressively got worse, and each time he went out there to see him I went with him to support him even though we weren't in a relationship.

As bad as I wanted to move out, I figured the timing just wasn't right. I couldn't leave him with all these problems, he had an unstable job, and his father was dying. His father was his idol, his everything. The one person he looked up to the most in the world. Most of his so-called friends were gone and he didn't have any true support. I was there for him when no one else was. 

In February we dealt with the court case from his sister and the suspected possession of marijuana. After everything was said and done, the court case was dismissed because there was no evidence it was his and not his sister's. Another victory for Eric.

In April, my grandfather passed away. While we had known it could have happened any time in the past 10 years, we really didn't expect it. He was doing well. Then, he passed away in Arizona with only my grandma out there with him. This was really hard for my whole family. We loved and looked up to him so much and now he was gone. Eric was by my side during that time and attended the funeral with me. While we were fighting, he still paid his respects and I appreciated him for that.

Since the time that the cops raided Eric's house he also started having problems with the mother of his child constantly starting arguments and wanting to tell Eric that he was not allowed to see his child and that she would possibly be giving him supervised visits instead of visits every weekend. His son is something that he cares about a lot and he felt this was not right. Finally, in June we (he) had enough and filed for an additional day so he could have him Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon. After mediation, the court ruled that he would get his extra day. I stood by his side and also was the one watching his child while he worked now.

We still were not together, he was still living in his own room. Because of all the stress, I decided in the beginning of summer to purchase season passes to Noah's Ark waterpark for both of us so that we could relax and spend some time together. It was fun, we went down there probably 8 times in the summer of 2012. Had a blast being in the water, spending time together, etc.

Since we were single, I did, go out with my ex and we did hook up in the very beginning of July. This was when I got pregnant with Ana. A day or so after Ana's conception, Eric's father passed. I stood by his side throughout everything and I was there at his father's house with him the night before he passed. While we didn't know he was going to pass, it really helped Eric knowing he was there and able to say goodbye one last time. I stood by his side because I could not imagine the pain of losing a parent. This is something that I dread so much and could never imagine how he felt. Even though we weren't getting along well (maybe due to the fact his useless "so-called" best friend moved into the house in June).

I feel like I put so much effort into this relationship and if not being his girlfriend, at least being his friend and being by his side for anything he might need. After July is when I started to see a change in Eric. Eric wanted to try working things out but after all of our fighting I just could not do it anymore. He offered to be there for me and Ana, once I had her. He was there when I lost Ana in October. Shortly after Ana's passing, Eric's grandfather passed. I was there for him as his support, but I was unable to attend the funeral as I was still buried in my own grief.

I kept telling him there was nothing there anymore. He should go out and get a new girlfriend and that maybe he would be happy. We set up boundaries for the house if/when there was a time when one of us started dating another person. We made it clear to each other that no one would be coming into "our" house. If/when we wanted to see someone else we would make arrangements so that neither of us would feel awkward. After I lost Ana, I started seeing Ana's father more. I told Eric this and he was pissed. He would throw it in my face that I had a baby with my ex, even though he clearly knew we were not together.

There's been a lot of fighting lately about stupid shit. Useless shit. And it's funny that he starts talking to a girl after New Years of this year and he goes out to his mom's house for a Christmas party and he's seeing a new girl. He comes back to the house on Sunday bragging about how he could have gotten road head from some skank he gave a ride home to. Then he started dropping hints he was "talking" to someone else but wouldn't give me any information. Fine, whatever. He's all of a sudden asking when I'm going out of town and what I have planned for each night of the current week. I told him I don't know, why? Come to find out he wanted to bring this girl to OUR house.

Even though I am talking to Ana's father, we are not in a relationship. I would tell Eric immediately if we were because I want to be honest and open with him about everything. Well, then comes facebook... "April requests the status of 'in a relationship' with you". Wow. Without even telling me. He told me he hasn't seen her in 9 years, but he wants to. Turns out he saw her the night he went out by his folks. Monday he questioned me about where I am and what I was going to do tomorrow (Tuesday). He later admitted Tuesday was her day off and wanted to bring her to the house. I don't/will not EVER bring Ana's father to the house out of respect for Eric. Apparently he doesn't have this same respect for me.

I want us all to be happy, but since he's lying and lying and lying again, I just can't trust him. He told me he wants me out of the house immediately, but we are both on a lease together and I paid this months rent. I have every right to remain in this house whether he likes it or not. This was our house and just because he has a new girl friend doesn't mean he can kick me out for no reason at all. And, on top of it all, he has never paid me back any of the money he said he would when we moved in.

I feel so used. Used as the bitch who bought him and his soon food, clothes, gas, etc. Took him to Friday night fish fries, took him to my cabin, took him places he's never been before. I feel used because he only took me out once. He never put that effort into "us" until it was too late and I was ready to move on. He never cared. He just wanted to sit around and play his video games. There were many many days where he just couldn't handle his own child and wanted me to take him with me and go out for awhile so he could have some time to himself. So I did. I did everything I could for this man. I was his support, his ear, his confidant  He was there for me, but only when I really really REALLY needed it. In other aspects, it was all too late.

Since he's trying to kick me out, since he's trying to bring this girl to "our" house, then I guess this is it. I guess this is goodbye. I will not be subjected to some bullshit liar video game junkie. I cared for him. I cared for his son. But I just CANNOT do this anymore.

Goodbye Eric. Goodbye.

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