Who am I now? I'm a childless mother. I have empty arms, no baby to kiss, no child to snuggle. I miss everything about Ana. From my boobs hurting to my morning sickness to my pants growing to the point I wore sweatpants. I'm 50 pounds heavier and my cycles have stopped again (for the most part).
I miss the old me, the one that would work heard to lose weight and be on track to becoming something better. I miss her, who instantly started making me a better person and mommy. I miss her so much some days it still hurts like yesterday.
This picture, no matter how hard I tried to smile, still captures the pain and emptiness in my eyes. (And the fluffiness from the weight gain)
I am working towards information and support. Right now I think the best way would be to continue in the schooling to become a Doula. It would mean the world to me to be able to help support women through a healthy pregnancy but also to help those who might not be able to bring their baby home with them.