Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 9

DAY 9

Day 9 - The unsuccessful. My situation: pay day is Friday and the past few weeks I've been paying it forward every chance I get. So I had to decide what to do for a random act of kindness with little money to spend and only about an hour of free time.

I decided to go to my local grocery store and offer to help people load groceries into their vehicles. You would not believe the weird looks and the quick "No I'm ok" that I got. I tried to briefly explain that I was doing a random acts of kindness project and very few people listened.

Living in this area my whole life, this is not the type of response I had expected. Most of us are quick to say good morning or hello, but are not able to accept help from a stranger just trying to make someones day a little easier. I was only able to help two people and they only had a few bags... I think they did it because they felt sorry for me.

So I ask you: If you had a cart full of groceries and were asked if you'd like help loading your groceries, what would you say? What is your reasoning behind it? I'd love to get some feedback on this one.

Pic from Bimmer Forums

Day #31 - Sunset

While the sunshine can fade to darkness... my love will never fade. 

I love you Ana. 

Forever and always… my baby you’ll be.

Day #30 - Growth

This one is hard for me because in some ways I feel like I regressed. I want to believe that my daughter had a higher purpose but it hurts me so bad not knowing why she had to leave. Why MY daughter? I see the world now as a fragile place; pieces of glass being held together by paper Mache (money). I see others as naive… but also just as broken as I am.

This one is hard because I feel like I'm moving on without her. I know she doesn't want me stuck in 2012, dwelling on her loss. I know she wants me to be happy. I know she wants me to give back. In reality, I've grown a lot. In stead of moving on I'm living her memory. I want to keep her memory alive in the things that I do. This will also bring awareness to PAIL.

Before my loss, losing a child was unthinkable... I think to every parent who hasn't lost a child it is. You get past the first trimester and you think everything's going to be just fine. That's why I want to educate. I want to grow in my knowledge of pregnancy and become a doula. Then, maybe when I'm strong enough and have enough stillbirth/PAIL knowledge that I can start my own support group in the Fox Valley area.

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 5

DAY 5

I can't think of anyone more deserving of a thank you than those in our Armed Forces. Across the country brave men and women stand up for our freedom every day. They sacrifice so much for us and I could not imagine doing what they do. Their bravery is truly admirable.

Both yesterday and today I searched for men and women who are serving or have served in the military so that I am able to send them thank you cards. I reached out to people on my Facebook page and asked them if they knew anyone who I could send a card to. I wrote them out and will be sending them Monday. Here's a peak at some of the cards :)

If you know someone over seas or even a veteran back home, I would love to send them a thank you. They deserve it. Please let me know.

Thank you Kim D. - "I travel a lot to Kenosha area and I helped a old man when his car ran out of gas and gave him a card in memory of your angel"

Ana's Angels Random Acts of Kindness DAY 4

DAY 4

Today I will be going to dinner and leaving my waiter or waitress a generous tip. I'm not sure how much this will be because I do not know where I am going to dinner. I was hoping to find a pregnant lady or one who just looks super stressed out. Doesn't even need to be my waitperson! The wait staff do not get paid enough and sometimes they rely on their tips. I will update with a picture later.... STAY TUNED!

**UPDATE**

I went to dinner with my parents this evening and I my parents pick what restaurant we went to. Their first suggestion was TGI Friday's. I'm not a huge fan of the food, but I said that's fine as ultimately I was out to give a nice tip to a waiter or waitress who deserved it. When we got there we were told there would be a 25 minute wait. In reality, that wasn't that bad of a wait time, but my mother is diabetic and when she needs to eat, she needs to eat. So we decided to go to Solea's Mexican Restaurant in Appleton, WI. 

We got there and we were immediately seated. There was only one or two empty tables in the main lounge and what looked like two waitresses. Our waitress, Paige, did a great job tonight and while talking to her I learned that she is a 27 year old mom with a young daughter and is paying her way through college. I felt like she deserved every bit of this tip and I was happy to give it to her. When she saw it she immediately tried giving it back but I told her that I was SET in doing this. For Ana... and for you Paige. Thank you for all you do.

UPDATED April 5, 2014

From the waitress, Paige J. - "Thank you so much for giving me the gift that you did...it is so appreciate and I know your little angel is smiling everyday with pride for her mother. Thank you again."

and

Thank you Stephanie H - "I donated to autism speaks and tipped at an fast food restaurant."

Day #26 - Community

Oddly enough, I only knew of one person who had a stillbirth before I lost Ana. Her name is also Melissa. I went to high school with her and then we just happened to enroll in the local community college here at the same time and were in the same program courses. When I lost Ana we were in the same class and she was the only person that I could reach out to and feel like what I was feeling was normal.

While there is a support group that meets once a month, I didn't feel like a support group was the right place for me. At first it was because I didn't want to cry the whole time, then as time went on it was because of different reasons I would make up as the support group dates got closer.

If it wasn't for the PAIL community I would be lost right now. I would be buried inside a dark room with no desire to come out. What helps me is being the support for others in the PAIL community. Giving back to those who have helped me. I want to be there for other families who are going through the same thing that I am. I want to give them just as much as they have given me.

Day #25 - Say It Outloud

I am a mother to an angel born sleeping. 

I will always be her mother.

#SayItOutloud

I'm saying it out loud for pregnancy and infant loss awareness. For miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss. I am saying it out loud for my daughter Ana, who was born too soon. I am saying it out loud for all of the mothers who are grieving in silence.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

We want our children remembered. Please don’t stop talking to us. Please don’t push us away. Please address our children by name, just as you would a living child. Please know that we have many hopes and dreams for a child we never got to fulfill. Please know that we will always have a hole in our heart and emptiness in our arms. How would you like to give one of your children back?

We don't wish this on anyone. This pain we bear is hard. This grief journey we are walking is a very long uphill battle. We want to talk about our children. Remember our angels and what our pregnancies were like. What we felt, what we didn't feel. We want to bring awareness to the community. That this is happening too often.

So I'm saying it out loud and I encourage you to #SayItOutLoud too. Break the silence. Let people know how often these losses are happening. Say it for Ana. Say it for your child.

The statistic of 1 in 4 IS NOT OK!!

Day #24 - Artwork

These pictures/art work have been created by either myself or my friends. There are several others that have made something for me and I love each one of them! Here's just a few:

Courtesy of nilmdts

I made this with friends after I lost Ana.

This picture was taken in Arizona. I edited it to fit the situation.

I made this after I lost Ana as well. I would have loved to take her to Arizona.
(and many other places)

Day #23 - Tattoos and Jewelry

I have not gotten Ana’s remembrance tattoo yet. I want it to be perfect. I want to make sure that it represents her and will forever remind me (Not like I could ever forget) of my angel. I want to have something that people will ask about... something intriguing that catches the eye. When I'm ready, I will get it for her.

I have received several different pieces of jewelry that mean the world to me. Pictured first is the engraved necklace I received from my friends on Facebook's One Stop Mom Spot page. The second picture is a picture of the necklace of a heart with angel wings from my family. The third thing I got was a teardrop necklace from my mother’s co-workers. The last picture is the picture of Ana's ring (a mother's ring). I have her birthstone, my birthstone and then her father’s birthstone in it. I hold each one of these items close to my heart.