On Thursday, October 25th, 2012 we held Ana's funeral at Westgor Funeral Home. The visitation was at 10am, the funeral was at 11am, and we buried Ana next to my grandfather who passed this March right after the service.
The service was very hard for me, it felt as though I couldn't breathe. My eyes stung from the tears, my nose dripped constantly. It hurt so bad to know that I was at a funeral for MY BABY. It's hard enough going to a service or a funeral for another family member, or a friend. It's always hard, but it's especially hard knowing that you should have had your precious child, no matter what the age.
Most of my family attended, the father's family attended, and numerous great friends that I've had throughout the years. Without the support of these people I just don't know where I'd be right now. We were able to contact the funeral home and the florist in time to change some of the previous arrangements since I was originally told I was having a boy.
The lights were dim, her casket was about the size of a box of mac n' cheese. There were lots of pink and white flowers, The large assortment of white and pink roses from my parents, white roses from one friend of the family, lily's from another, and carnations that looked so pretty. With Ana's father at my side and my family close by, I attempted to pay attention to what the priest was saying.
The priest we chose was the priest from Ana's father's parent's church. Since I haven't went to church in a long time I really didn't have anyone who would be able to speak at the funeral. I didn't want a stranger I was going to meet the day of Ana'a funeral, so I figured this was going to be my best choice for some officiating.
After the funeral was the hardest part, as we went to her place of burial and placed her next to my grandfather. It stung my heart knowing that my child was in the box that was being forever put into the ground. Ana's father scooped the first pile of dirt that was laid onto the casket. I wept. I screamed out, "MY BABY!" I fell to my knees and felt as though I lost the most important part of me. Each of Ana's grandfather's shoveled a pile of dirt into the grave and my heart ached. I felt so empty even with everyone standing around me.
After the burial those who could, had a small lunch at my grandmother's house. While this was a nice time with those who really care about me, I not only wasn't feeling well physically, but certainly not well emotionally. As the day ended, I went back to my mother's house to rest, but it seemed like I couldn't sleep for days.
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