Thursday, November 15, 2012

My first letter to Anabelle


Since the day I found out I was pregnant, I anxiously started my wait to find out your gender. Some people would crack jokes saying, "with how sick you are, it MUST be a girl", or "the heartbeat is high, that's likely a girl". Even my doctor joked about the indications that you would be my little girl. While it really didn't matter what gender you were, the whole family looked forward to knowing what I was having. After I knew the gender it would be time to start buying items for your arrival.

Today would have been the day we found out we have a precious little girl. The girl we all dreamed of. Both of your grandma's wanted a little girl so bad. When your father and I first started dating, his mother would tease me about when I would give them a grandchild. She wanted a baby girl since her other son just had a little boy. I always dreamed of having a little girl, to dress up, to take to dance and swimming lessons, and to brush and style her hair. I wish I got the chance to do these things with you.

I wish I got the chance to hold you again, the chance to hear your first scream. The chance to see your first smile, the chance to hold your hand. There were so many things that I planned for you that I will never get to experience with you. I'm lucky to have had the chance to hold you in my arms, even if it was just for a short time. I will always hold you in my heart.

Today also marks three weeks since we laid you to rest. Today I have asked your father to draw me my first tattoo. Those who know me well know that I am not one for pain, or any type of needle. However, for you I will do anything. I will do anything to have your memory with me at all times. This memory is important for me. You are important to me. I hope you know that.

While I will never experience all those "firsts" that I want to. You will always be my first. My number one. Dance, baby, dance.

With love,


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